Mom of 2 under 2 and the black stretchy pants are taking over my wardrobe...

Here I go, wanting to blog again. After reading my past blogs I realize I was a neophyte in all things: being a wife, mother, and military spouse. I can't wait to see what will be revealed when I look back at this post in a year or two! Here is a little update for everyone :)

I am now a mother of TWO beautiful girls. Life as a Momma is challenging but so rewarding, even though most days I am in yoga pants and no make up.

I love our newest addition Layla Wade and can't imagine our family without her now. She holds such a dear place in my heart and God chose to show me through her birth that he is faithful to those who are faithful to him.

Caroline is going to be two in three months. WHAT?! When did I ever think that I would have a two year old at the age of 26! She is hands-down everything I ever said I wanted a little girl to be if I was blessed to have one. She is spunky (and I mean really spunky), funny, and super sweet. 

Marine Corps: Challenging. Cut throat. The girl you never wanted to make mad in high school . Love of my husbands life. 

As a family we are unsure of our whereabouts for the year 2013. That makes my head hurt. I am not much of a spur of the moment kinda person unless it is dealing with the purchase of a nice purse, cute shoes, or little girl clothing so not knowing where I may be a year from now....super stressful. 

         

Home...

I have four homes....the home within my husbands heart, my daughters heart, my mothers heart, and my brothers heart. The past few days I have been at my physical "home" where I grew up. Spending the time away from C.L. and with my Momma and Caroline has been such a blessing to my soul. I LOVE seeing Caroline spend time with my Momma, and the joy that it brings both of them. Other than myself, Momma can get Caroline to calm down faster than anyone else when she is having her crying fits...mostly due to being exhausted or hungry...she's going to be a Granny's girl :) Caroline laughed for the first time during this visit and it was hilarious...I will always remember that she laughed laying on Momma's living room floor while her Granny and I were trying to see if she has any teeth coming in! It was the cutest laugh I've ever heard in my entire life...but of course she is being very selfish with those laughs and hasn't shared another laugh yet.

I often feel bad for the fact that I always call Ptown home, and not C.L. where hubby and I have created our home. But I've decided that the saying "Home is Where the Heart Is", is true. Sadly, my heart can't all be in one place at one time.

Oh tears.

On a more lighter note, my baby bro turns 21 this week...gah makes me feel like an old woman!

Being a Marine Wife...

Oh the joy of USMC. Gotta love it right? Amazing that in less than a month hubby and I will be celebrating our first anniversary as man and wife. CRAZY! Never in my mind would I have imagined that within 6 months from that time I would be standing very pregnant at a Marine Corps ball watching my husband thoroughly enjoy himself as I stood in heels feeling like Shamu in a dress that I thought didn't make my stomach look large (Who was I kidding?), living in my third residence in six months, fuming because the speaker said the F Bomb and all I could think was "Yea you are a Marine, but there are Marine daughter's here and they just heard that!".

Lately, I keep hitting the brick wall of not feeling successful at home. I think it's because I can't do as much as I once did. I take care of Caroline, try to maintain the house, cook dinner, and try to give my husband the most attention I possibly can when he gets home from work. But I miss my hubby, even though he is three feet away from me. It's hard being a wife period...add on the Marine Corps and it makes it tougher, sometimes I try to imagine what life would be like if hubby was a banker...it would be nice to have him home everyday at 5:30 see him in ties and suits, meet him for lunch out in town, and talk about the news. Instead my hubby is a Marine and I see him when the Marine Corps sees fit, he wears tan or green all year long, gets a haircut every Sunday and we talk about nonetheless....the Marine Corps or on American Idol night, the singers. Not going to lie...it's hard.

Is it worth it? Of course it is, his job is to protect my life...our life...and others lives when the time comes. I've always been a supporter of a draft, because I feel that it makes a man to serve his country...also I will more than likely always vote for the President or political candidate that has had an honorable time in the armed forces. It's also pretty kick butt when someone ask you what your husband does and you can say "He's a Marine", because they are the best ya know? :)

Gotta feed the baby....more on being a USMC wife later!

Certainly didn't keep my word....

So about three months ago I had this optimistic thought that of course me, the multitasker, on top of everything person that I was, could certainly have an updated blog and be a new mom! What was I thinking, so now I start back blogging and hope to be more on top of it. I find that it helps to be some sort of emotional and mental release.

Just to catch everyone up to date...I had a baby, I named her Caroline, and now the Beninate's are a family of 3. We have survived the first 10 weeks...wow 10 weeks! Caroline is beautiful and amazes me everyday :) More on her later.

During the past three months I have graciously accepted that my hips will never be the same size...goodbye my favorite true religion size 6 jeans that I wore only a year ago :( Instead I embrace the fact that those hips gave life to something and that life will give me more than those jeans ever did. I love when I can sleep at least 6 hours a night, and wake up to a baby that smiles at me when I go get her out of her crib, kinda like she is saying "Good Morning Momma, I love you and you are doing a good job, now let's eat!" Most important I enjoy seeing my husband love on his little girl and be a softy (speaking of softy he cried like a baby when she was born, and I said "Thank goodness she is out!").

As far as my labor and deliver it was pretty simple once nature started it. I was scheduled to be induced on Wednesday December 29....but God had other plans, tried our patience after being pushed back each day until finally they told me on the 30th that if she didn't come naturally over the New Year weekend they would induce me on January3. Well, I woke up at 5am on the 1st (her due date...she's going to be prompt like her momma) didn't feel to hot, hung out showered, figured out that I must be having contractions, woke my hubby up, called the hospital and my mom, went to the hospital, and then around 5:45 pm started pushing and at 6:59 my long, loud, and beautiful baby made her debut!

Genetics?

As of yesterday, I was already a day late in updating! My apologies. It was my wonderful husband that reminded me that I hadn't posted anything in the blog yet...he's most certainly not the procrastinator that I can be sometimes.

As time is drawing near...about two weeks to go until we hit the due date I keep thinking about what this precious little girl may look like! Throughout my pregnancy I have not had any dreams about what she would look like at all, until last Sunday...I won't reveal them to you just in case I'm wrong :) On Tuesday at my doctors appointment, I did have another growth scan and it showed that Caroline weighs approximately 9 pounds already! But, there is a margin of variability the tech explained of 3/4s of a pound up or down. It's so interesting what they have been taught to look for and can notice, when I just lay there and keep trying to find the nose...head...eyes, etc. So apparently...if we go by what the ultrasound tech was showing me as I kept nodding my head in a vague understand, Caroline has hair, full lips, and long legs :) This means that I have contributed the long legs, and Jason can take credit for the full lips, and hair well we both have hair and we both have pretty dark hair...so we will just have to see what color it turns out to be at delivery and then as she gets older. In previous ultrasounds she has been positioned just how I sleep at night one hand up by her head/face and the other near her torso...interesting because when I could sleep comfortably (prior to pregnancy) this is how I would sleep, and my mom sleeps the same way sometimes! Coincidence or some underlying preference in our gene pool? I know I won't be able to tell for a year or so but one of the things I am most curious about is how she positions her feet when she is sitting and they touch the floor. Jason unconsciously will curl his toes under when he is sitting on the couch or chair, can't wait to see if she'll do this!

As far as an update on Caroline, as of right now we aren't going to be having an induction unless she is not here by my due date! So...she will make an appearance when she is ready :)

Anticipation and Reflection

As I begin my blog, I have to say I'm doing it so that others might get some type of enjoyment from reading the material, my family can be updated instead of searching Facebook constantly, and so that I can express the feelings I would like to share.

SO... ANTICIPATION! After last weeks appointment, the doctor mentioned that induction would probably be the route we take to bring Miss. Caroline into the world, so after tomorrow's appointment there should be more things set in stone or a more directed answer to the question when will she be here?! I do have to admit as annoying as it can be to be strapped up on a monitor with a tight belt on my stomach to listen to Caroline's heartbeat, it is a time that I have come to enjoy...mommy and daughter time, I listen to her and think about all the things we will be able to experience together. I can only hope that when she gets to be a teenager that she will let me be close to her and listen to her at least for 40 minutes a week (our scheduled amount of time or NST's a week) about her life and the things she thinks about. Everything in her nursery is ready or as ready as it can be, in a way I already wish I could slow down this time in Jason and I's life to make sure we are really appreciating everything that is about to occur, but I know that as long as I am aware that this will not last forever I will try to make the most out of every second. I am anxious about becoming a mother, even though I feel like through teaching I was a surrogate mother for a lot of my students, this little baby girl will be Jason and I's contribution to the world and hopefully we will raise her to be an outstanding person. All of the normal soon to be parent fears I have, will she eat enough, will delivery go smoothly, how much will she sleep/not sleep, is her crib and mattress safe enough, will she have any allergies, just to name a few...but thankfully I have been around family enough to know that most of these fears will subside and the way to parent will come naturally.

REFLECTION...The past two weeks have especially been a time of reflection for myself due to Caroline's upcoming arrival and the Christmas season. I've reflected on my childhood, faith, and what I will offer as a parent most of all. Thinking about my childhood into being a teenager and my journey into becoming an adult, I always think about how incredibly blessed my life has been. I grew up in a wonderful town and never questioned if I was loved or if the people I was around cared about me, I knew that wherever I was I was safe and a familiar face was not very far away. I grew up with two amazing parents that I can only hope that I can measure up to one day. Funny how growing up we sometimes have the mindset of "I will never do some of these things to my children"...but oh how it changes when you are then about to be a parent...there's actually not much I would change from the way my parents raised me! I am so blessed to have a great relationship with my mom and feel that I always have. It is bittersweet to know that my Dad won't be here to hold his first grandbaby. I thought that walking down the aisle to be married would be the hardest thing to do without him, but I do have to say that I think bringing my baby girl in the world and not being able to see his huge hands hold such a sweet little gift from God will cause such a pain in my heart, but I do know and am comforted knowing that he is in heaven and will be celebrating with the one who had this all planned out from the very beginning :) I've started to think of ways that I would like for her to get to know her Papa (because I've determined that's what she would've called him), thankfully I have so many stories I can tell, and sweet letters my Dad would write to me sometimes on special occasions with bits of advice that I am holding on to, so that I can make sure I tell her the same thing. I know Caroline's childhood will be somewhat different than mine due to the fact that there is no guarantee how often Jason will be home to be with her, hopefully as much as possible, and that the Marine Corps has more duty stations outside of Camp Lejeune, but she will be a traveler and a great packer by the time she's 18 at least!

In the car the other day Jason and I were talking about Christmas, and he quoted something that my Dad had said in his Sunday school class the last Christmas he was here, and it was along the lines that it didn't matter exactly if Jesus was born on December 25...it was what his birth meant. This conversation between Jason and I has stayed in the back of my head for the past weeks, and made me truly think about everything that Jesus' birth meant, and still means to our life and what each persons life means. I have been thinking back to Mary, and truly trying to put myself in her shoes how scared and afraid she must have been at first to find out that she was expecting and would deliver the Son of God. Jesus walked on the earth just as we do, and made such a difference for each person to live forevermore. I think about how when I first found out I was pregnant, I too was nervous and scared because it was not something Jason and I were planning on at first, but unlike Mary I was married to the one that I loved, and she was not yet to Joseph only engaged...how afraid she must have been to fear that Joseph would think she had betrayed him...but we later know that God was with Joseph as well. That Mary knew she would be giving birth to the greatest man to ever walk the earth and what a huge gift she was carrying...but, as a soon to be mom I have the feeling that I wish every mother to be had as well...I know my Caroline will not be the greatest person to walk the earth as Jesus was, but she too already has a purpose that God has given her and it is mine and Jason's job to lead her in the right direction and provide unconditional love to her as she grows and learns of her purpose, just as it was Mary and Josephs job.

I could continue...but this is enough for know, I could go on and on obviously, but just a closing note: Becoming a parent in any way either through adoption, conception, whatever road a person takes to becoming a parent, is one the largest responsibilities God could give anyone, he is everyone's father and it is our job to take care of all of his children. So excited for our little bundle that is about to arrive!